The weekend's drawing closer and I'm really looking forward to the trip to Lille. We leave on Friday lunchtime and I can't wait. After the past couple of weeks, which have been very stressful, I can't wait to get away with Jan, Sandy and Elaine. My nephew rang me yesterday, having been contacted by Ian, he wanted to reassure me that the recent happenings were inevitable and that I shouldn't blame myself. Ian will be home in two weeks and has invited his cousin over for dinner one evening.

No more e mails and I'm beginning to feel a bit less sick about the situation that has arisen. Last night an American supper at the home of Elaine & Brian. The company was excellent and the food amazing. I vacated our bed in the middle of the night for the spare room as Steve's snoring was louder than usual. Today a trip to the garden centre and not much else planned, apart from catching up on last night episode of Dr Who, can't say I like Catherine or is Katherine Tate's acting.
I have been checking the weather forecast for Lille, so far its showing wet all week with a miraculous change to sunshine and 17c on Thursday, perhaps that will be the start of a great few days. I have looked out my passport and 50 Euros over from previous trips. Oh it would make such sense if we gave up the pound along with the rest of Europe.
Well I'd better go and get out of my pj's.

Because of the events of the past week and other messages received today, I have decided that I have to step back from a relationship that has now gone pear shaped. I would very much have liked this to work out, but I don't need the confrontation and the unfair accusations that have been levied at me. I rate myself as a reasonable sort of person. My immediate family are the most important people in my life. I have very good friends who's friendship I value. Steve has now read the messages and he is cross at the way I have been treated. Tonight I'm going out and I'm going to have a glass of wine or two or maybe more!

The last week has been very mixed. A lovely weekend when Dot visited, but downhill from then! On Monday I received the first of a string of e mails from my half sister. The first being accusational, I somehow have turned into the Villain of the piece! What prompted this was that I was unable to accept an invitation for Steve and I to go over to dinner! The explanation that I had given was seen as prevaricating and that Steve didn't want to go. In part true, Steve is reluctant, but the reason I gave of Steve doing more travelling and that weekdays weren't easy to predict where he would be was absolutely true. The e mails have passed between since Tuesday, I have tried to be understanding, to apologise for any hurt that may been caused, but every mail I have received has been more and more confrontational. I haven't replied to the last yet. I talked to Ian about it, he gives wise counsel, I have only briefly mentioned it to Steve without going into detail or showing him the correspondence, he is suffer ring with a bad back, had an A/F episode and has the consultants appointment tomorrow. I don't want to cause him any unnecessary stress!
.

After a couple of weeks of worrying, today I saw a gynaecologist. I came away with good news, the symptoms I have been experiencing have no sinister cause. Whatever the cause, I wasn't given a clear explanation! The Doctor who I saw had absolutely no communication skills and his spoken English was poor. While I am sure that the man was highly qualified in his field, am I totally unreasonable to expect to understand what is said by the medic who is treating me. I had received in the post a six page questionnaire, when I tried to give it to the Dr he didn't want it. Why had I bothered carefully filling in all the most intimate details of my medical history. Should I complain?

On Monday Steve and I celebrated 29 years of marriage. We had an evening out together, we had a drink at 'The Custom House' followed by a meal at 'Cafe Rouge' at Gunwarfe Quays. It was a lovely evening. We have a great life, but it seems rarely that just the two of us go out together. Unfortunately I was sick all night, was it food poisoning or a bug? I was in bed all day yesterday. I spent the time dozing, looking look across the Solent at the Isle of Wight, reading and I even watched a dvd. Its was glorious day, just right for a walk along the beach, but I didn't go anywhere. It was a work day, but I called in sick as I defiantly shouldn't have gone anywhere near anyones precious little babies! Fortunately today is my day off, so I can take it a Little easy today as still feeling a little wobbly at the moment. I had decided against doing any 'bank' hours today as Dot is arriving on Friday for a long weekend and I had planned to get things ready for her visit. Steve & I are both looking forward to seeing her. Oh I did manage to organise an online Tesco shop from my sick bed which will arrive on Friday morning, hopefully before Dot.

Rebecca has asked if we would look after her two babies overnight in July, they will be 20 months and 6 months by then. I'm really chuffed that she feels happy to leave her precious children with us. Being late to parenthood, means that Rebecca's children only have one grandparent. Mari is a doting Granny, but has arrived at Grannyhood in her 70's which means that she isn't able to look after both her grandchildren for that period of time. Rebecca has suggested bringing them here, but it may be better if we go to their home. Plenty of time to sort it out.

It may be April, we may live on the South coast where the climate is mild, but this morning we had snow. I awoke at about 8.00am when it was sleeting, within fifteen minutes the snow was falling in big chunks. It only snowed for about an 1.5 hour, but long and hard enough to leave a good covering. The local children were out building snowmen and the slipway which is used to launch sail boats was being used for skiing. Its been cold for the rest of the day, but the sun has shone and the snow has melted. We had home made soup for lunch, it had been in the freezer since Christmas and it was just the thing to warm us up.
Today I have planned a trip with three girlfriend to Lille in May. We shall stay for three nights and travel by car through the tunnel. I love doing things with Steve, but I feel so liberated when I do things with the girls. (well not quite girls). These three particular girls are friends that I have made since our move here four years ago, their husbands sail with Steve and we have fun in other ways. What blessings!
Tomorrow I'm going to Romsey to have lunch with my sister Annie.

I don't seem to get to writing this blog very often, although I am fortunate to have plenty of time which working part time allows for, somehow there is never enough time for everything. I write mostly for me, Janis is the only person who knowingly reads my entries and I can't believe my little jottings would interest anyone else.

Yesterday I took my Mother to the opticians, where we spent two whole hours, firstly her sight test and then the choice of 4 pairs of glasses. I recently have taken to wearing varifocals. My changing eyesight meant I needed specs for driving, computer work and reading. After ordering my glasses various people warned me of how they had tried and failed in the use of them. I have to say how liberating they are as they allow me to see and I don't have to keep changing specs. I don't suppose I will ever do it as I'm very squeamish, but I'm actually not against Lazar surgery that people have to correct their vision. As I get older I realize that my eyesight is so valuable.

After the opticians we took a trip on the Gosport ferry and went to Gunwarfe. After a few hours of following my Mother in and out of shops I was exhausted. Did she get the dress she was after? No! Did she say she wants a trip to Southampton? Yes, eeeek perhaps she can persuade her friend Beryl to accompany her.
Last week we made the decision to help Matt out financially, to give Matt his credit he didn't ask for help and he has taken on a second job. Matt will pay us back and hopefully we will have avoided a CCJ against him.
Steve has made the choice to take on a different role at work. He is going back to a technical role which he loves in preference to the one he is doing which is leading him deeper into management. So as well as the commitment to Matt we have had to go down the path of a second car. We have managed well with one for a year, but as Steve will have to do a lot more travelling its back to being a two car household:(
Steve has had a relatively minor heart condition for 20 years. About twice a year Steve would have a couple of episodes where his heart would go into A/F and beat erratically for a few hours. More recently its been happening twice a month, which I'm sure the stress of work has attributed to. Anyway on Easter Saturday he had a particularly worrying episode and after much nagging he has seen the GP and is awaiting an appointment with a cardiologist!
We have put any long trips on temporary hold! Three friends and I are planning a long weekend in Lille in May. We haven't yet booked, but are planning going by Eurostar.

British Summer time arrived this morning, hurray! I love all seasons, but after the battering by winds and rain that we have taken over the last few weeks I won't be sorry for the seasons to change and hope that Spring turns early this year into Summer. Steve will be pleased as today he has once again had to put back fence panels. Today has been glorious, windy but sunny, perfect for the walk along the prom that Steve and I took before dinner. It's now well after 7.00pm and its still daylight.
Tomorrow I'm seeing Sue, I met her at college in 1974 and we have remained good friends. Sue is mourning the death of her father who died nearly a month ago. His funeral isn't for another 3 days, because of bank holidays and a backlog at the crematorium it has taken all this time which is absolutely abominable. Its nearly eight years since my own father death but I feel Sue's pain. In their families sadness is joy as her eldest has just announced that she is to have Sue's first grandchild in November.
I saw my niece on Thursday, she had been visiting for a week over Easter. She spent time with her friends and stayed also with her grandmother. This 16 year old also met up with her father, but we are all sworn to secrecy, so that 'you know who' doesn't find out!!

My Easter memories are usually of warm spring days. Good Friday this year has been a day of all weathers. Four seasons in one day. Snow, hail, wind and at times warm sunshine. I drove back from Gosport in a snow shower this morning, the temperature gauge dropped from 6c to -0.5 in seconds. The sun came out for a while this afternoon, the wind was wild, I pegged the washing firmly on the line and fortunately it stayed in place. the smell of fresh washing that has been dried outsize is one of my favorite aroma's.
As with millions of other people Steve has spent this bank holiday decorating, painting doors and revamping the awful fire place in our sitting room which we inherited when we moved in almost 4 years ago. I'll post a before and after picture once it is finished.
My niece is arriving from Leeds for a few days, she will stay with my Mother. Today is her brother's 19th birthday and it would have been my Grandmother's 112th birthday. My sister has a new job as a receptionist in a hotel in Leeds, a change from hair dressing, I'm sure she will do well at it. Good Luck.
Matt has job interview tonight for a bar job, he is hoping to do two nights a week. Matt is enjoying his day job and last week was given a substantial pay rise, so I guess he is doing really well.
Ian is working on his research this weekend, he is off to Montpelier for a conference next weekend as well as going to Lisbon for a friends party. Katie his girlfriend is going with him, so I hope they have a nice time.
Work has been manic, were short staffed, we are working like crazy, its feeling uncomfortable as were not able to give everyone the time they deserve! I'm not yet sure if my extra hours will become permanent. I don't mind either way, but have asked to do them over three days, not four.

Its Sunday evening and nearly the end of my weeks leave. Its back to work on Tuesday. I have enjoyed my week off: a visit to Bedford where I saw friends and also Matt. Steve has spent a couple of days decorating our sitting room, its looking good, amazing what a coat of paint can do. Last night we went to our friend Stewart's 60th birthday. We had a great evening and a group came back here to have coffee or a drink. We didn't get to bed until 2.00am. When I got up I was relieved to find that the glass of Champagne that I accidentally threw up the newly painted wall hadn't marked it in any way. It would have been a different story had it been a glass of red wine.

I have been off line for nearly three weeks as my lap top has been away for repair. I'm glad to say it has now been returned, complete with new screen. The repair itself was done in a couple of days, the collection and delivery of the the PC proved difficult. I didn't realize how much I would miss my little machine.
The weekend before last we had a family get together to celebrate Dot's 80th birthday. Dot is Steve's aunt and great aunt to our children. Dot really is a great aunt and has been wonderful to all the family. Steve's Mother died when Ian was a baby and sadly she didn't get the opportunity to be a grandmother to her eight grandchildren. The children have been fortunate to have Dot as she has always been a special person in their lives. We gathered at Rebecca's house for the celebrations. Tacy and I shared in the preparation of Sunday lunch in Dot's honour and fifteen of us sat down to lunch. it was a testimony to Dot that everyone came. Dot is looking forward to her birthday present, a trip in a hot air balloon with a friend, quite an experience for an 80 year old, but actually Dot's birthday was actually only her 20th, because she was born on the 29th February!
I'm on annual leave this week and went to Bedford on Sunday to stay with Linda. Its a year since we went to Venice to celebrate Linda's 50th birthday, so on Monday night the thirteen of us who went on the trip and had a reunion and went out for an Italian meal. We had a great evening.
I saw Matt while I was there, he seems happy and is enjoying his job.
Steve is on leave for a couple of days and has said he is going to do some jobs around the house. We have just got back from the local DIY store, where we bought paint for the ceiling in our sitting room. Firstly Steve has to fill in the small hole in the artex where the bath leaked before he paints the ceiling. I know that this relatively small job will grow into something bigger, it always does. I have taken refuge in the bedroom and am making up for the time that I have missed on the computer recently.

I can feel another very lazy Sunday coming on. We spent a very enjoyable evening at the sailing club and although I disappeared to bed about 1.30a.m, after making hot chocolate and toast for eight. (pictured are L-R: Stuart, Jan, Steve, Brian, Elaine and i on our trip last year to Spain). Steve didn't come to bed until 4.00 am. he is still asleep. Jan & Stu who stayed over are also still in bed. It was another fun evening amongst friends. I'm still amazed how good life is! I never imagined that post kids our lives would be so enjoyable.

Work has been especially good this week. I had a little thank you note from a young Mother, it doesn't happen very often, but wow, when it does it means such a lot!

Talking about Mothers, I must pop up and see mine today. On Wednesday night I took her and her friend Beryl out to Southsea to the Kashmir restaurant. My parents had been going there since it first opened in the very early 60's and Mum was saying how she really fancied a curry and only the Kashmir's would do. It still seems a little strained between Mum and I, we certainly have something in between us now. Tomorrow I'm meeting Annie for lunch and I feel I have to skulk off secretly!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! I thought that once my youngest son reached the ripe old age of 22 he might have had a little maturity! But NO! Matt has finished his short relationship with the tatooist/bodypiercer, although its not a exactly permenant he has had an awful piercing in his ear lobe! its one of the awful sort that you can stretch until you are left with bloody great hole. I'm devastated that my boy can mutilate himself in this way!

This week has been quite a busy one. Yesterday along with a colleague we went shopping for toys. I had managed to get £100 from a charity for some toys for our two baby clinics. There was no way the PCT would pay for new toys and the ones we had were very old, dirty and passed their sale by date. February is a really good time to go toy shopping as both the Early learning Centre and Woolworth's had discounts, so we mangaged to make the money go a very long way.

As were short staffed I have agreed to do a few more hours, a half day on a Wednesday. Steve is awaiting some changes at work and may go back to travelling with the company. We will have managed about a year with one car. but will probably have to get another:(

I saw Annie this week. It was quite difficult as she obviously doesn't have any qualms about upsetting my Mother and why should she!

Were out to a party this evening. Its our friend Elaine's birthday and were having an American supper at the home of Stewart & Jan. I have been asked to take cheese and salad, so thats easy.

On Sunday were having eight friends here for lunch. Were having Turkey and all the trimmings. Our Friends had teased me merclessely for making my own christmas puddings which take 10 hours to steam. It probably does seem pointless when you can buy some very nice ones in any of the supermarkets, but I really enjoy some traditions and thats just one of them! So I thought I'd invite them to try mine and thought I might as well do the whole thing. Good old Waitrose were able to get me the Turkey and there are plenty of sprouts in the local green grocers!
A question Janis I seem to have inadvertently turned off my spell check, do you know how to turn it back on? Than you x

Spring seems to have come really early, this weekend we have been bathed in glorious sunshine. My plan for yesterday changed on Friday night when I was invited along by my friends Elaine & Sandy on a trip to Lymington. Steve offerred to be around for the Tesco delivery and this also allowed him to stay in doors and watch the rugby!

Lymington is a lovely little Georgian market town, it has mostly small independant and designer shops. I particuarly liked the Cath Kidson shop. I wouldn't buy a lot of things in the shop as most of the stuff is sold at an astronomical price. I think what appealed to me was that a lot of the things they sold were very nostalgic. Particuarly the talcumn powder sold in tins, but at £8.00 a tin it stayed on the shelf. I did buy some long handled coloured sundae spoons, not sure why but I just liked them. www.CathKidston.co.uk Saturday is market day and the crowds were out. We had plenty of refreshment and had lunch in a pub overlooking the harbour. I did buy a photo frame as Elaine had given me a photo taken by her husband Brian ,of Steve & I taken at the Burns night dinner.

Sunday started early as I awoke as at 6.00am, managed to stay in bed untill just before 7.00 am and then got up and started the day. I spent most of the morning cleaning, until Ian phoned and we had a long chat, by then the urge to do housework had passed and as Steve was out I decided to call on my Mother. I took her to the garden centre, it was lovely to wander around in the sunshine. Things between us are still a bit strained, but the chat with Jan last week and Ian's wise words this morning are a great help. ( How did my first born turn into such an amazing young man!).

This afternoon Steve has been cutting the grass, can you believe it in early February! I have spent a couple of hours reading and am feeling really relaxed.

The weekend is nearly upon us, I don't have very much planned apart from awaiting a delivery in the morning from Tesco. How I love online shopping and the fact that I haven't had to trail around the supermarket to get my groceries. We are lucky here because we have good local shops, a great green grocers, a butchers and a recent addition of a fish shop. From the big supermarket I buy the bulky stuff, the loo rolls, the washing liquid and the packets and tins!

At work were busy, which isn't surprising as one of our team was moved recently to a team that was short staffed, now we too are short staffed as well. Extra hours which has been widely talked about, but as yet haven't been agreed upon.

I do enjoy my job and this morning I was running a session for Mums with young babies, teaching them about weaning. Ten mums and their infants attended.

We travelled back yesterday afternoon in to evening from Leigh On Sea where we had been to meet our new nephew Vincent. He is a beautiful baby, his parents are delighted with their son. His big sister at 14 months old is happy to smother him with kisses and gets in the occaisional swipe!

We enjoyed our weekend, but as with all trips away its nice to come home again. The children are lovely, Simon is a devoted hands on Daddy, but oh I'm so glad that we were able to have our children at an earlier age. I can't imagine having teenagers when you are nearly 60.
We had to come through London last night as part of the M25 was closed, I didn't mind as I quite like passing through busy places, peering into lit rooms and getting a fleeting glimpse of the people living along the route of the south circular. It was a bit drawn out for Steve, but he did turn down my offer to swap drivers.
It was nice to talk online to Janis last night, thank you jan you were a big help x

The Burns night dinner was was great fun, a young piper played his bagpipes as people entered the building and again when the haggis was ceremoniously paraded in. A very smart kilted gentleman in his wonderful Scottish lilt greeted the haggis. The words of Robbie Burns that he spoke sounded romantic, but were quite comical in their content. The food was good, but I couldn't drink the Whisky or was it Whiskey! We ended the evening at friends, who are neighbours, the party was still going on when we left at 1.00am, conscious that I have to leave later in the morning to drive Matt to Bedfordshire!

Another weekend again and were just waiting for Matt to arrive. Trying to juggle picking him up at the ferry with waiting in for a parcel and an appointment I have at the beauty therapist! I'm having a facial this afternoon, Steve bought me two vouchers for Christmas and I'm using one this afternoon. A facial involves a back and shoulder massage and is wonderfully relaxing. I will use the other voucher in a few weeks, which is for a full body massage. I'm working hard to try and loose a bit of weight, so when I have lost a stone I will reward myself!

The parcel I'm waiting for is from Marks & Sparks! I was delighted to see on their website that they now are selling bras in my size. I usually buy mine from company called Bravissimo, but they are hellishly expensive. I took my Mother with me to Hedge End where M&S have a large out of town store. I spent ages looking through thousand of bras and in the end had to find an assistant to show me where to look! Huh, well would you believe this particular line are only sold online as there isn't much call for these sizes. Well I was a bit miffed especially as I had to pay an increased delivery service to have them delivered today! Were going out to night to a dinner for Burns night and I want my new bra to go under a new dress!
I bought the dress in Monsoon, its gorgeous and I'm delighted with it. It was originally priced at £2oo, I certainly would never have paid that, but it was down to £60 and once again my friend Elaine talked me into it. It has a little detail in sequins, as I noticed a few missing I asked the assistant if they would reduce it anymore and they knocked another £10.00 off. As the garment came with a little bag of sequins and thread, I was able to sew on some replacements.
I rang Rebecca earlier, she sounds really happy and is delighted with her new son. We have arranged to go up next weekend to see them and to to meet Vince.
Steve has just gone out to the station to pick up Matt, can't wait to see him.