Oooh I have just been watching 'Strictly Come Dancing'. I love it, not enough to pick up the phone and ever vote. I have such envy for anyone who can dance as I haven't been gifted with any talent for dance, rhythm or sport. A few years ago Steve and I had some dancing lessons while on a cruise ship. It was fun, we were awful, Steve being 6ft 4" and me being 5ft 3" didn't help. We would make John Sergent look really good. We went about three times until some 'awful' woman stopped us one day and told us we were the talk of her dinner table because we made her laugh so much! That was the end of the lessons as Steve wouldn't go to any more of them.

For days now I have had tremendous tension in my shoulders. Steve when requested will massage the taut muscles. Now I'm feeling so relaxed and the thing that did it was an hour of pilates. I started attending the classes in September and I've enjoyed every class. I'm not good at it, the stretches and moves are not easy, but because for the whole hour you can't think of anything else I come away feeling totally refreshed! I should do more of it.
My friend Sue is experiencing the joy of becoming a Grandmother, her daughter Louise now has a daughter of her own, Daisy. Congratulations to them all.

We have had a reasonably quiet weekend, no social events which has been rather nice. Yesterday I went out to take my Mother shopping. Her request had been to go ASDA. My idea of a nightmare at anytime, but at 11.00am on a Saturday morning with Mum who has only been out once in nearly 4 weeks and that had been a trip to the Doctors for a blood test. It took a little persuasion, but Mum did agree that a trip to the local Coop was probably more realistic. Sadly, yesterday for the first time I realised that my Mother is an old lady! My Mother needed support around the store, which took us a very long time to navigate. When we got back to her home she had to have a lie down as she was exhausted. What next I wonder? Am I worrying unnecessarily, is my imagination working overtime and why do I feel this tremendous guilt because I cannot spend more time with my Mother.
At this time of year I always start to get stressed about Christmas and this year its even worse than ever. We are due for a week in Dorset with Steve's family and I'm sure we will have a great time. I have asked my Mother to join us, but she doesn't want to and I know she wouldn't be happy surrounded by the 'Rickard's'. Denise has said that she will try and get down to spend Christmas with her, but Mum doesn't want that either!
My anxieties always arise around the present buying. I have had fun buying toys online for the two wee ones, but its everyone else I get in a stew about, particularly sons! I'd like to suggest a more charitable Christmas and if someone buys me a present from Oxfam, such as a goat or a health check for someone in a desolate part of the world I will be delighted!
I visited my friend Elaine in hospital yesterday, she has had a 'knee replacement', I'm glad that she seems to be making a very good recovery. She is in the RN hospital Hasler which sadly is closing soon!

I have had a lovely day in London, where I met my friend Claudia. I enjoyed the luxury of the train journey, a magazine, a book to read and the conversation between two elderly gentlemen kept me entertained for the duration. I wonder if they realised that I was eavesdropping.
I had arranged to meet Claudia outside Portcullis House. It was a bit touch and go as Claudia didn't seem to be able to receive my texts or calls, so I had to ring Steve who e mailed Patrick in his office, who was able to tell Claudia that I was waiting for her. After I had been photographed, bags X rayed and frisked I was in the administrative buildings of Parliament . I hadn't seen Claudia for ages so we decided to stay in the buildings of Westminster as we wanted to Chat and Chat and Chat. Our day was spent drinking coffee, having lunch and meandering along the corridors of power.

Today is Armistice day. Last night while trawling through Internet sights of World War 1 casualties. I found out that my great Uncle Harold died at Ypres on 31st November 1917 at the age of 22. My Granny didn't talk much about her 3 brothers, two who died in the Great War, today at 11.00am I will think of those young men and of my Granny who's life was so affected by the awful human slaughter in the trenches across Europe.

This week I have done something twice which in the past I have refused to do. I absolutely hated doing it, but I bought my Mother cigarettes. Eeeek I feel really bad about it. I know at the age of 78, having had two minor strokes and two heart attacks she shouldn't be smoking. Why couldn't I say no to her request. I wanted to shout out in the supermarket, that these horrible things are not for me! Steve tells me that I shouldn't nag my Mother to give up, but buying them for her is something I thought I'd never do! Fortunately my Mother is getting better, perhaps in a week or so she may get to buy her Mayfair herself. 'Mayfair' what a grand name for something that is so destructive. Am I failing as a daughter? I have just added some apple pies to my online Tesco list at my Mother's request. She shouldn't have these either because of her diabetes.

Steve cooked dinner tonight, as simple as it was, it was delicious. Yesterday I had baked meringues for a dessert I am making to take to an American Supper on Friday evening. There was a bowl of egg yolks in the fridge, so Steve made omelette's and they were delicious.

It was Guy Fawkes last night and in Lee On Solent they do it well. All evening from dusk onwards the fireworks were going off, I left the living room curtains open so I could watch the sky light up. This morning I went for an early morning walk and the beach and roads were covered in spent fireworks, I wonder who will clear away all the debris? My walk didn't take me very far as I'd ventured out in new trainers which rubbed and I'd only gone half a mile before I had to turn around as my heels were being rubbed raw. I took off my shoes and walked home in my socks.

The picture of my Mother was taken in 2004.

I have been back to work this week following a week off sick then annual leave. It's been a very busy week, lots of home visits, development assessments and teaching baby massage. Frustration with a training IT system on which I was supposed to have registered by yesterday. This didn't happen, I have e mailed the support team, left messages on their answer phone and I'm still not on the system. Fortunately many other people are having the same problems. so I'm not completely stupid.

My Mother is getting better, she can't see it, but every day I see an improvement. Each day Mum requests that I do something else and today I'm off to clean her flat, thank goodness its only small and won't take too long. Steve is coming up with me as she has a couple of jobs for him as well:) Understandably she refused the offer of moving in here to recuperate. It may have made it physically easier for me, but it's probably better for us to have our own space!



This afternoon I plan to indulge myself with reading one of the books I got from the library and haven't had a chance to open yet.

Last night I had one of those heart stopping moments. Steve was out and I received from him a text which read ' From today I'm officially jobless, I got a good redundancy package'!

I went cold, the thought of Steve being out of work was bad enough, but It didn't make sense that he would drop a bombshell like that in a text message. He had kissed me goodbye before he went out and we had met in his lunch break for refreshment and a walk along the beach. A couple of minutes later just as I was seriously thinking our 3o + relationship was a sham, the phone rang and it was Steve apologising profusely. The message sent had originally come from his Sister Rebecca and he had forwarded to me and then the realisation of how it read hit him!

Rebecca had been waiting for confirmation of her redundancy from the company that had taken over the division of Lehmann Bros. Rebecca had volunteered and was waiting for the settlement, so no shock for her. With two babies I don't know what Rebecca is planning, it maybe that she is planning sometime at home with her children.