We returned yesterday form our Christmas holiday in Dorset, the guys have come back with us, although Matt has just left to return to Bedford. Ian will travel back to Sheffield tomorrow.

It was lovely to spend time with Ian and Matt and the extended family. Our days leading up to Christmas were filled for some, with shopping and long walks in the countryside. I did venture out on Monday to the local town of Dortchester, but after that I was hit down by 'the lurghi.' Whether it was flu or not I don't know, but it certainly knocked me for 6 and nearly a week down the line I'm still feeling very week and lethargic. I did manage to get up and participate in celebrating Christmas day, with a few breaks to return to bed to gather my strength! Other members of the family were struck down at various times in the week, though so far those closest to me have remained well.

It's 3.58am and I can't believe that I'm wide awake. I'm not sure what is causing my insomnia of late? So much seems to go buzzing around my head in the wee small hours and along with Steve's snoring, sleep is denied me and this is someone who can usually sleep big time. Perhaps I am a big kid getting excited about Christmas or actually getting excited about seeing first my son Ian and then a few days later my other son Matthew. Do these feelings of attachment ever leave a Mother?
Today will be my last day at work before my long awaited holiday, firstly a baby clinic and then our team's Christmas lunch at a Chinese restaurant in Stubbington. My secret Santa present is wrapped and ready to go.
I think It's time to try some Horlicks, hopefully it may live up to its claim and encourage me to have a few hours sleep. Goodnight.

It has been a couple of weeks since I posted anything here. Were now well into December and I'm counting down the days until our Christmas holiday in Dorset. This time next week we will be spending the first evening in our holiday cottage with some of the family, by this time I'm sure we will be opening the first of a few bottles of wine for the week. Not all of the family will arrive on Saturday as work commitments mean some of the 'children' will come at different times in the run up to Christmas.

Sadly Tacy's step father died suddenly a few days ago, so Tacy, Mike and their children will break away on Monday to attend Bob's funeral. The time when families come together to celebrate a special birth, must be more poignant for those whose loves one has died.

Today I have been putting up a few decorations, as were away for a week, we decided that we wouldn't have a Christmas tree, but nevertheless the house is looking quite festive, with candles and tinsel.

Last night we went to Elaine & Brian's house where they hosted an early birthday party for me, we had a lovely evening with our friends, how lucky I am to have such wonderful new friends. I can't believe its a whole year since my 5oth which I celebrated wonderfully with tea at Claridges.

Oooh I have just been watching 'Strictly Come Dancing'. I love it, not enough to pick up the phone and ever vote. I have such envy for anyone who can dance as I haven't been gifted with any talent for dance, rhythm or sport. A few years ago Steve and I had some dancing lessons while on a cruise ship. It was fun, we were awful, Steve being 6ft 4" and me being 5ft 3" didn't help. We would make John Sergent look really good. We went about three times until some 'awful' woman stopped us one day and told us we were the talk of her dinner table because we made her laugh so much! That was the end of the lessons as Steve wouldn't go to any more of them.

For days now I have had tremendous tension in my shoulders. Steve when requested will massage the taut muscles. Now I'm feeling so relaxed and the thing that did it was an hour of pilates. I started attending the classes in September and I've enjoyed every class. I'm not good at it, the stretches and moves are not easy, but because for the whole hour you can't think of anything else I come away feeling totally refreshed! I should do more of it.
My friend Sue is experiencing the joy of becoming a Grandmother, her daughter Louise now has a daughter of her own, Daisy. Congratulations to them all.

We have had a reasonably quiet weekend, no social events which has been rather nice. Yesterday I went out to take my Mother shopping. Her request had been to go ASDA. My idea of a nightmare at anytime, but at 11.00am on a Saturday morning with Mum who has only been out once in nearly 4 weeks and that had been a trip to the Doctors for a blood test. It took a little persuasion, but Mum did agree that a trip to the local Coop was probably more realistic. Sadly, yesterday for the first time I realised that my Mother is an old lady! My Mother needed support around the store, which took us a very long time to navigate. When we got back to her home she had to have a lie down as she was exhausted. What next I wonder? Am I worrying unnecessarily, is my imagination working overtime and why do I feel this tremendous guilt because I cannot spend more time with my Mother.
At this time of year I always start to get stressed about Christmas and this year its even worse than ever. We are due for a week in Dorset with Steve's family and I'm sure we will have a great time. I have asked my Mother to join us, but she doesn't want to and I know she wouldn't be happy surrounded by the 'Rickard's'. Denise has said that she will try and get down to spend Christmas with her, but Mum doesn't want that either!
My anxieties always arise around the present buying. I have had fun buying toys online for the two wee ones, but its everyone else I get in a stew about, particularly sons! I'd like to suggest a more charitable Christmas and if someone buys me a present from Oxfam, such as a goat or a health check for someone in a desolate part of the world I will be delighted!
I visited my friend Elaine in hospital yesterday, she has had a 'knee replacement', I'm glad that she seems to be making a very good recovery. She is in the RN hospital Hasler which sadly is closing soon!

I have had a lovely day in London, where I met my friend Claudia. I enjoyed the luxury of the train journey, a magazine, a book to read and the conversation between two elderly gentlemen kept me entertained for the duration. I wonder if they realised that I was eavesdropping.
I had arranged to meet Claudia outside Portcullis House. It was a bit touch and go as Claudia didn't seem to be able to receive my texts or calls, so I had to ring Steve who e mailed Patrick in his office, who was able to tell Claudia that I was waiting for her. After I had been photographed, bags X rayed and frisked I was in the administrative buildings of Parliament . I hadn't seen Claudia for ages so we decided to stay in the buildings of Westminster as we wanted to Chat and Chat and Chat. Our day was spent drinking coffee, having lunch and meandering along the corridors of power.

Today is Armistice day. Last night while trawling through Internet sights of World War 1 casualties. I found out that my great Uncle Harold died at Ypres on 31st November 1917 at the age of 22. My Granny didn't talk much about her 3 brothers, two who died in the Great War, today at 11.00am I will think of those young men and of my Granny who's life was so affected by the awful human slaughter in the trenches across Europe.

This week I have done something twice which in the past I have refused to do. I absolutely hated doing it, but I bought my Mother cigarettes. Eeeek I feel really bad about it. I know at the age of 78, having had two minor strokes and two heart attacks she shouldn't be smoking. Why couldn't I say no to her request. I wanted to shout out in the supermarket, that these horrible things are not for me! Steve tells me that I shouldn't nag my Mother to give up, but buying them for her is something I thought I'd never do! Fortunately my Mother is getting better, perhaps in a week or so she may get to buy her Mayfair herself. 'Mayfair' what a grand name for something that is so destructive. Am I failing as a daughter? I have just added some apple pies to my online Tesco list at my Mother's request. She shouldn't have these either because of her diabetes.

Steve cooked dinner tonight, as simple as it was, it was delicious. Yesterday I had baked meringues for a dessert I am making to take to an American Supper on Friday evening. There was a bowl of egg yolks in the fridge, so Steve made omelette's and they were delicious.

It was Guy Fawkes last night and in Lee On Solent they do it well. All evening from dusk onwards the fireworks were going off, I left the living room curtains open so I could watch the sky light up. This morning I went for an early morning walk and the beach and roads were covered in spent fireworks, I wonder who will clear away all the debris? My walk didn't take me very far as I'd ventured out in new trainers which rubbed and I'd only gone half a mile before I had to turn around as my heels were being rubbed raw. I took off my shoes and walked home in my socks.

The picture of my Mother was taken in 2004.

I have been back to work this week following a week off sick then annual leave. It's been a very busy week, lots of home visits, development assessments and teaching baby massage. Frustration with a training IT system on which I was supposed to have registered by yesterday. This didn't happen, I have e mailed the support team, left messages on their answer phone and I'm still not on the system. Fortunately many other people are having the same problems. so I'm not completely stupid.

My Mother is getting better, she can't see it, but every day I see an improvement. Each day Mum requests that I do something else and today I'm off to clean her flat, thank goodness its only small and won't take too long. Steve is coming up with me as she has a couple of jobs for him as well:) Understandably she refused the offer of moving in here to recuperate. It may have made it physically easier for me, but it's probably better for us to have our own space!



This afternoon I plan to indulge myself with reading one of the books I got from the library and haven't had a chance to open yet.

Last night I had one of those heart stopping moments. Steve was out and I received from him a text which read ' From today I'm officially jobless, I got a good redundancy package'!

I went cold, the thought of Steve being out of work was bad enough, but It didn't make sense that he would drop a bombshell like that in a text message. He had kissed me goodbye before he went out and we had met in his lunch break for refreshment and a walk along the beach. A couple of minutes later just as I was seriously thinking our 3o + relationship was a sham, the phone rang and it was Steve apologising profusely. The message sent had originally come from his Sister Rebecca and he had forwarded to me and then the realisation of how it read hit him!

Rebecca had been waiting for confirmation of her redundancy from the company that had taken over the division of Lehmann Bros. Rebecca had volunteered and was waiting for the settlement, so no shock for her. With two babies I don't know what Rebecca is planning, it maybe that she is planning sometime at home with her children.

Yesterday the weather was atrocious, strong winds and torrential rain for most of the day. It was the sort of day where hibernating seemed like the ideal plan. I did have to go out a couple of times, to visit my Mother in the morning and again in the evening to take her a meal. She is recovering, but very slowly. Later that morning I left a message on my twin sister's mobile, its many months since we chatted, she rarely if ever responds to my messages and is usually quite 'off' with me at anytime we do speak. I was quite surprised that Denise returned my call and was actually friendly and chatty!
This morning I was supposed to transport my Mother to the surgery for a blood test, but I had to cancel it as she isn't mobile enough to get out. I also had an appointment to see my GP. She sent me off for a blood test and I was able to take the same appointment that I had cancelled earlier. I also had to have an x ray which I was able to have done this afternoon. Isn't the NHS wonderful when it works. I have been having difficulties with the joints in my hands and as I suspected its the early signs of arthritis. The tests are to find out if its rheumatoid or osteo. It is most likely to be osteoarthritis which is aged related! Ooh dear is 50 really old!
Tomorrow I'm back at work after two weeks absence, the first due to sickness and the next for annual leave. I'm looking forward to it, though I will have to try and fit in the work I missed during my sick leave!

This morning I had a telephone call from my Mother. My Mum had fallen in her bedroom and was in a lot of pain from an injury to her back. She told me that the fall had been a couple of days before and she hadn't been able to sleep because of the pain. I felt so awful because I'd been home from our holiday over 24 hours and I hadn't called her, instead I had spent the day doing the washing and shopping and my plan had been to call into day after a trip to the hairdresser!
The Dr made a house call and pronounced that he didn't think she had done any lasting damage, she had probably twisted her back and was probably bruised internally. Pain killing gel and strong pain killers were prescribed by the GP and collected by me from the chemists. Advice from the kindly Dr was that it could take two or three weeks to recover.

This morning at I.00 am we arrived back from our holiday. We have been to Germany for 6 days and had driven down to see Friederike & Vic in Munich. Our plan was to take it nice and easy and drive back with a couple of stopovers with plenty of time for sightseeing. We didn't pre book any where to stay and getting accommodation on spec worked well.
Our first night was at Heidelberg, we arrived there after an afternoon spent at Rothenberg a beautiful walled medieval city. Steve had been to Rothenberg before about 20 years before on business and it was well worth a visit. Sadly I spent some time in the all year Christmas shop. After a night in a lovely hotel, we visited the schloss in Heidelberg, having nearly killed myself walking up the hundreds of stairs we discovered the funicular railway! We revived ourselves with delicious coffee and cake and moved further north to our last stop in Aachen.
After booking into the hotel we discovered that the wallet containing our passports and insurance documents were back in Heidelberg!!! After a few stress full phone calls and the realisation that we were unable to arrange for posting/courier for our paperwork we knew that we would have to drive back for three hours to collect the documents. We were both tired and decided that we would have a meal and some sleep before driving back the next day. We saw Aachen by night and had the best meal in a small Italian restaurant. My apologies to anyone who thinks German food is good, but apart from the cake and what our hosts prepared for us I don't particularly enjoy the cuisine. I chose a Capresse salad as I was yearning for fresh veg and I couldn't face garlic bread as I was totally breaded out! After an early breakfast of fruit & yogurt we were on the road by 7.00am yesterday morning. We spent six hours extra driving and in reality the time spent on the road yesterday was the same if we had driven back from Munich in one go. Oh well, we had a great time with our friends and things were going really well until Tuesday night! I would go by road again as it was so nice to see the countryside and take our time. Neither of us have apportioned blame for the forgotten documents, but I can say it wasn't me who tucked them away in a draw for safe keeping:).
I'm not a great shopper, but I do really enjoy shopping in Europe, so I was a bit disappointed that I wasn't able to go around the kitchen shops in Aachen. Oh well, there will always be another time.

Why have I been on the sofa since 5.00am? The answer is because ones husband had a night out with the sailing committee and has been snoring outrageously since the early hours! Admittedly I could have gone to a bed in another room, but I am too awake to get back to sleep. I'm feeling a lot better than I did yesterday, though the fog in my head hasn't lifted yet. I shall have the day off today, my colleagues have cancelled my work for the day, which is probably sensible as I don't want to inflict either any parents or child with this horrible little bug!

We have a trip to Europe planned at the end of the week. Our grand tour will take us to visit our friends in Germany. The trip is a bit of a compromise, because of Steve's little problem with his ticker. We have been advised to not travel out of Europe and to keep Steve happy I have agreed that we will drive instead of flying! I must be mad! Were due to leave on Thursday afternoon. We will catch the ferry from Dover to Calais and drive into Belgium where we stay overnight, driving down to Munich on Friday. We will probably stay with Friederike, Victor & Theresa until Monday, really looking forward to seeing them all again. Our Ferry isn't booked, so we can potter back at our own pace!

I realise the picture of Friederike isn't a good one, but I don't know how to delete it. Sorry Fred!

Can I really be spending another day between the sofa and bed? Yes, still feeling pretty yuk! Have been watching daytime tv, do people really watch Jeremy Kyle?

I had to stay home for most of yesterday as a super doopa air bed that was delivered last week in error was being picked up by a delivery man. The correct super doopa air bed that we had originally ordered and more superior to the first, was to be collected by yet a different delivery man! The collection went well and while waiting for the delivery of the right bed, the shopping arrived from Tesco.
I had ordered the ingredients to make some Christmas puddings and set forth. Weighing, peeling and mixing. I had decided to make more than usual and to give them to some friends. Two hours later and with a great deal of rum added, I had two large mixing bowls full! At this stage I realised that I didn't have enough pudding basins! A trip into Gosport was planned for after the delivery.
It wasn't too long before the delivery man banged on the door and would you believe he had brought the same model of bed, that a few hours ago had been sent back! The delivery driver very nicely told me that he couldn't take it back, so next Tuesday, Steve will work from home and hopefully it will be third time lucky.

After a trip to the shops and more Pyrex purchased I came home and filled and covered the bowls, ready for steaming today!
Having researched cooking on the web, I decided that I was going to cook them in a different way. Some in a Ban Marie, slow steaming in the oven. Elaine had offered me the use of her pressure cook which would reduce the cooking time by two thirds for one or two of the puds. I set the oven for 6, so the process could begin before I awoke.

Elaine arrived halfway through the morning, without the pressure cooker, I didn't like to mention it, but it wasn't long before she realised and we had a laugh about her senior moment! I refused Elaine's offer of going home, instead we had coffee and we sampled a small pudding which I'd cooked last night as a trial in the Ban Marie. (It was delicious).

It's been a glorious day, although I didn't mind being at home as I had woken up with my throat feeling like it was being cut wit razor blades and knew I wouldn't be wanting to go far. I did wander over to the seafront to watch the sailing for a little time.

At 4.00pm Christo & Naomi arrived as expected to collect a television that we had offered them previously. Just before they arrived I couldn't believe the condescending E mail I received from A telling me she had no problem with with us giving the television to Christo as longs as it was completely safe! We had a lovely couple of hours, before they left to have dinner at Christo's parents. They were both not looking forward to it as they said having spoken to the lady by phone earlier in the day they were in for a rough evening.

Tomorrow I have a trip out with some friends planned, at the moment I don't think I will be going as my sore throat is turning into a streaming cold:(.

As is usual I'm up first on this Sunday morning. We have friends staying after a very pleasant evening. It was prize giving for the cadets at the sailing club and as one of the trainers Steve was there. I didn't go, but had earlier in the day prepared a lasagna, so six of us had supper afterwards, a very relaxed, easy evening. Today I have no plans, already it looks like it will be one of those days where unless you really have to go out you should stay cocooned in the house. The rain has been relentless for the past 24 hours and the wind has been wild. Steve was disappointed that the sailing was cancelled yesterday afternoon, he didn't feel the same about the work in the garden that he had planned for the morning. Instead of out door jobs, Steve spent some time doing some much put of work in the house. Neither of us are greatly into DIY, Steve would rather sail when the weather permits and rather than pay a professional we would both prefer to spend our money on holidays. Hence why we chose a relatively modern house for this phase of our lives, we are defiantly not project people.

Steve saw his specialist on Tuesday. Steve is now being monitored on his new medication and if this doesn't keep his arrhythmia in check he faces surgery, we will face that if it becomes a reality. We have a weeks holiday from work in a couple of weeks, our plan had been that we would take a last minute trip to Europe. Steve is happy to go, I feel a little bit reluctant, we need to talk about it and check out our travel insurance.

This week I had a lovely surprise, I had an e mail from Lynn. Lynn was actually more my sister's friend than mine. Lynn's father was in the marines and they moved to Singapore in the very early 70's, when they returned to the UK the family settled in the west country. I haven't seen Lynn since the very tearful party her family gave before they left Portsmouth and they flew to Singapore. Denise once visited Lynn in Plymouth, but there friendship disintegrated at that point!
Lynn and I kept in touch by letters through the years, Lynn married & divorced and she had two children. The last time I heard from Lynn her partner had sadly died, this was about five years ago and then our communication sort of stopped. Last year I sent a letter to the last address I had and it was returned. I sent messages to a few young people via facebook, who I thought were maybe Lynn's children, but this proved futile.
This week I received an e mail from Lynn, she had found an old letter from me and I was absolutely delighted to hear from her. Lynn has a new partner, I certainly won't lose touch again, it's been nearly forty years since I saw her and I think I shall make an effort to go and see her.

It's more than a week since I have written here, a lot has happened including a trip to Lille. We had expected to have a difficult time as we were booked to go through the euro tunnel and expected disruptions due to the fire in the tunnel the previous week. We arrived in plenty of time and went to get a coffee in the departures hall. Unbelievably we were the only four customers, there wasn't another person who wasn't a member of staff in the building. An assistant in the cosmetics shop told us that hoards of people had cancelled their bookings since the fire. I wonder if they were scared, although I think it must be a pretty safe time to go, after all the safety procedures have all been tested!
We were staying in Elaine's son & daughter in law's flat, which is a ten minute walk from the centre of the city. After our arrival we wandered into the city where we sat & had a drink in the sunshine in a city centre square. It was the end of the working day and the locals were out enjoying the early evening sunshine. We had a leisurely meal, its so wonderful how the French restaurateurs do not rush their customers out in order to accommodate others coming in for tables. People who were looking for tables were sent away as there was no space. Here diners at the end of their meals are often rushed to pay the bill and vacate a table.
Saturday was another lovely day, lunch for the guys were 'Moule', neither Elaine or I like them, but we did have a platter of smoked salmon with Kir to drink. That evening we had another nice meal, followed by a drink in a bar owned by a woman from Dublin.
On Sunday afternoon, Steve began to feel unwell, oh yes, again his heart was playing up. Elaine and I had been to the local food market so we planned a meal in the flat. On Monday we visited the local supermarket to stock up on a few goodies before heading home. Fortunately we had put Brian on the car insurance so he was able to drive home as Steve's heart was continuing to be erratic.
Yesterday morning we attended the GP surgery and the GP arranged for Steve to be admitted to hospital, fortunately this morning after drug therapy Steve's heart returned to its normal rhythm and he was released from the mad house of the medical assessment unit, two of it's patients were definatly in the wrong category of hospital! Steve has been home and has been sleeping for a few hours, we are both relieved that the 'Cardio aversion' theraphy * that was threatened wasn't carried out. * heart stopped and re started by electic shock.

Tomorrow evening I'm attending a Pilate's class for the first time. Exercise isn't really my thing. I have never been athletic, my lack of coordination and my clumsiness are well known. Over the past few years I have done aqua aerobics, though walking is really the only exercise I enjoy doing and started regularly about ten years ago in my bid to loose serious weight. I have been advised by the consultant I have been seeing about pain from a nerve in my stomach to give Pilate's a try, in order to strengthen my 'core muscles'. I think these muscles are shot to pieces after carrying babies of nearly 10 pounds! I will take my place tomorrow at the back of the class where I hope I won't be seen by many people.e
Rebecca along with 5,000 people has lost her job with Lehman brothers. She is on maternity leave for the second time and was hoping that she might get a third lot out of them. Now she will have to decide if she is looking for another job or going to become a full time Mum to two or maybe three in the future.
Steve & I are looking forward to a long weekend in Lille with friends. Were due to go through the channel tunnel, although the fire last week has caused chaos and delays so we don't know yet if we will be driving onto the train or taking a ferry.

We have just returned home after a walk on the sea front, we called in on my Mum. It would have been so easy to have stayed at home and hibernate as its very wintery, well perhaps autumnal. I spent the morning cooking, not sure why I suddenly got the urge to fill up the freezer with sauces, casseroles and fish cakes, but I did. I really enjoy cooking, but on work days I find I just want to be able to prepare a good meal quickly. We have lots of friends who enjoy eating and drinking so there is plenty of occasions when I can cook for pleasure. Where did I learn to cook? Was it watching my Mother or the domestic science lessons at secondary school? I can remember visits to Pirbright where I was allowed to bake, Auntie Esther was more relaxed than Mum and she didn't mind the mess that we caused. Often people will say they can't cook, but my thought is that 'if you can read you can cook'. Perhaps I'm wrong, although I think you do have to enjoy food to be able to cook it. I love watching cookery programmes and I have a fair few cook books.

My oldest was a wedding present from my friend Kate's Mum. It has long lost it's cover, the pages are yellow, some are stuck together with remnants of cake ingredients. It is the one I use regularly, it holds the recipe for the Christmas cake that I make every year, I use many of the other cake recipes, no longer for children's birthday cakes, but mostly when I bake for the sailing club. In the front of the book are tables which convert metric into imperial and these I use often as I still can't think in metric. Thank you Mrs Edward's your present has given me many years of enjoyment.

Only one more working day left this week. Today it's been manic. 6 home visits. I have assessed babies development, advised on a four year old's behaviour and comforted a tearful pregnant, mother of two. Last night I came home from work exhausted, slept for two hours, went to bed at 10.00pm and still slept until 7.00 this morning. Most of my friends will be envious of the amount of sleep that I get. This evening I arrived home, again shattered, but decided that I would resist the desire to lay on the sofa which would have inevitably have led to slumber. Instead, I went for long walk along the seafront. I came home invigorated, cooked a lovely meal of Gnocci with salmon and now I'm on the sofa trying to stay awake so I can watch 'Who do you think you are' at 9.00pm.

Yesterday it was summer all day. The sailing club had their regatta this weekend and I stayed out the way, although I did bake some cakes for the refreshments. Last night after fish & chips for twelve in our garden we went along to the regatta dance at the sailing club, the band was awful. it was stinking hot so four of us girls wandered down to the beach, stripped off and had a midnight swim, it was wonderfully refreshing and very liberating, though fortunately it was very dark and we couldn't be seen from the road:)

August bank holiday weekend is nearly over and tomorrow I will return to work after more than a week's holiday. Steve & I enjoyed our few days away, firstly a little break and luxury in Oxford where we had a relaxing time in a hotel by the Thames. We swam in the pool, wallowed in the spa and were so completely relaxed or was it lazy that we ordered room service instead of dining in the restaurant.

Before going to Bedford we visited Jane & Barry, friends from Clophill and spent a few hours catching up and reminiscing about the days when the children were young and so were we!

It was wonderful, but exhausting to see Matthew. He is so enthused abut his job and talked and talked and talked. We took him out for dinner and after he took us to meet some of his friends. Most of Saturday was spent shopping with Matt, he may be earning, but he desperately needed some decent footwear for work. After traipsing around the shoe shops of Bedford a suitable pair of black size 13 extra wide were found. It was a pleasant surprise to find that when Steve, who had offered to buy them went to pay they had been reduced from £60 to £20.

We arrived in Sheffield early evening. At Ian's house we met his fellow house mates, Palestina, a young woman from Mexico and Vernon who is from South Africa. I understand now why Ian is happy living and working with these two wonderful people. It was lovely to talk to them both, they told of being away from their families for so long and how much they missed their

parents :(

Ian's girlfriend Katie who we have met before came out with us to eat and also for our day out on Sunday. Katie is such good company and fun, she will finish her doctorate in December, three months before Ian . Our day out was to the very impressive country house: ' Chatsworth', it was truly magnificent and the grounds were vast and diverse, we spent two hours in the gardens and saw only a fraction of them. Katie who's subject is 'plants', (although a very small specialised type, I do her an injustice by not remembering exactly the species, it could have been lichens!) was excited and enthusiastic about all the fauna. Our afternoon was ended with refreshments at a country hotel set in Baslow a pretty village in the Derbyshire dales, we had afternoon tea/coffee/ hot choc and cake. Much later & back into the hub of Sheffield we had a Vietnamese meal, we chose the restaurant because it was busy with Vietnamese customers, so we reckoned it must be good and it was.

We left at 9.00 this morning and our drive home was easy, this afternoon I have been sorting out the washing and for some reason I got the urge to bake some cakes, which I did.

Its Saturday evening and I have not long returned from a very long stint of serving refreshments at the sailing club. I stank of the bacon I had been cooking all day, so a soak in the bath and a hair wash was in order. I'm now laying on the sofa with a glass of wine by my side. Dinner will probably be a quick pasta, I don't have the energy to do anything else.
Steve arrived home in the early hours from his weeks sailing in the national championships, he and his crew again did well, they aren't up with the champions, but won the 'endeavour' prize. Along with a rather tacky trophy Steve won a new cover for his boats from 'Laser', the competitions sponsor, so he is delighted.
Were on holiday this week, we plan to make our way up to see Matt at the end of the week and then on to Ian. I'm very excited at the thought of seeing them both. We have booked a night in a hotel in Oxford on the way up and hope to look up some friends in Clophill when we arrive in Bedfordshire.
Tomorrow I will collect my Mother from Southampton airport, she has been to visit a friend in Glasgow for the last ten days. I have invited friends for dinner in the evening and will do a roast, its just not something you can't do for just two people.
Goodnight, my book and bed beckons.

What a relief to finish work today for some annual leave. It will be twelve days before I return to work. Its been very full on recently and I'm looking forward to some relaxation.
Yesterday was a really strange day. The weather was atrocious, heavy rain and severe winds. While driving back to the office after a visit I saw too magpies and immediately thought of the superstition 'one for sorrow, two for joy'. Two minutes later I was proceeding along tree lined Manor way when a huge tree blew down across the road in front of me, If I'd be seconds earlier it would have come down on me and my car! Last night I had to telephone a friend as I inadvertently locked myself in my bedroom. Earlier in the week the outside bedroom door handle had come off and last night I had forgotten to put it into place before I'd gone to bed. I had gone up early to read, Steve was away and its a luxury I enjoy. At about 10.30 I decided to go downstairs and make myself some hot chocolate and that was when I found I was stuck in the bedroom. The predicament was: did I just go to bed and wait until the morning before getting help or did I get help then. I could have managed the night without going anywhere as fortunately we have a little 'en suite', but as my imagination was working overtime( the house could burn down with me in it), I decided to call in the troops . Because Steve is away I had taken both the house phone, a mobile and the house keys up with me. I rang Sandy and she gallantly sent round her husband Paul. I threw the keys out of the bedroom window to Paul who let himself in the front door and released me from my prison.

This evening five girlfriends are coming round for supper. Its funny saying girlfriends when we are all in our 5o's. I'm sure like me, they find it hard to think of themselves as more than middle aged!!! I have prepared ahead a pasta dish, one of Delia's cheats which we will have with home baked garlic bread and a green salad. Jane is bringing a dessert and as I expect from experience it will be creamy and chocolaty, so I have prepared a fruit salad for those of us who want something a little less rich . I have bought a couple of bottles of a sparkling Pink Bellinger which I really like. I know some more bottles will arrive with my guests, but three of us will be working tomorrow, so I'm sure we will be very sensible.

Steve is in Penzance for the week and I'm home alone and loving it! Now don't get me wrong I love Steve and being with him, but the selfish side of me really enjoys a little me time. When the boys were quite young Steve would take the boys away in the summer to his father's home, where they'd meet up with Mike and the cousins and have a great time. There week would be sailing, swimming and barbecues and mine would be quiet, lots or relaxation and doing only what I want to do. I have been on my own since yesterday and although I will be working this week the rest of the times my own. I have been out for coffee with a friend this morning and this afternoon I'm going to watch an old black & white movie on TCM.
Our trip to Salcombe next week has been cancelled and did I cheer loudly? Yes. Steve has also declined going with the group of guys so we have a week together to look forward to. We are planning to see Matt and then Ian at the end of the week which will be the icing on the cake.

Although I thoroughly enjoyed our sailing holiday in Greece last year, I had reluctantly agreed that I would join some friends on their boat and sail to Salcombe. The main reason I didn't want to go was because of the cramped conditions and the lack of privacy, also the weather cannot be relied on and I didn't want to be at sea in a storm on a small vessel. Today while out shopping with a friend, Steve rang me to tell me that the trip had been cancelled. Straight after the phone call Steve sent me a text to say that he had heard me cheer before I had hung up:) He was right I did cheer as I told Elaine of my reprieve!!
At the time of the call I was in TJMax, a shop that until recently I'd had no experience. Wow what a shop, lots of stuff, some rubbish I'm sure but some really good bargains. I bought a set of Champagne glasses for £8.00, they were a well known brand and when I got home I checked them out on the web and they were selling in John Lewis for £34.00, what a bargain.
Ian is excited as he has had another paper published, he's also writing a piece that he hopes will get into New Scientist.
Another 'writer ' in the family e mailed me to tell that her book will be published in September. I was also informed that her second book will include e mails she received from Steve about recent events. I am sure that they will used out of context and not portray truthfully recent happenings. In the same correspondence I am informed that against her 'legal advise' she won't be taking legal action against both my Mother & husband. I cannot stop myself reading this ladies blog, recently she wrote that I was ignoring her, not surprising as not many weeks ago we were threatened that we would be sued for defamation & harassment if we made contact.

Its now Monday morning and I'm feeling refreshed. I slept solidly from 9.oo pm last night until 7.30 am. Today I plan a very lazy day, its only 9.30 and I'm sitting out in the garden under the umbrella. Bliss!

Thursday evening turned out to be beautifully warm and balmy, just right for the barbecue with Elaine & Brian.
As I'd said earlier in the week, summer seems to have arrived at last and it may continue for a few more days.
Steve & I have been looking after our niece & nephew for the weekend. Steve has come back with a cold and I'm feeling shattered. The two little ones were amazingly happy, considering it was the first time they had ever been left overnight. Maisie at 19 months is an absolute poppet, she is feisty, funny and accepted her parents absence without any fuzz. Vince at 6 months is a happy delightful little baby, he smiled, laughed, puked and poohed to excess. Vince still has formula in the night, so I was prepared for being up in the small hours. At my suggestion Steve happily slept in the spare room. Vince sleeps in his cot at the foot of his parents bed and that's where I spent the night. After a very busy day, we were very successful in getting both children into bed for 7.00 pm. Maisie went happily to bed after Steve had read her bedtime story. Steve & I had a Chinese take away before we retired separately. Steve slept reasonably well on a deflating airbed.
My night was busy, a 'dream' feed at 10.00pm did in fact go like a dream and the little guy slept through it and was deposited safely back in his cot where he slumbered until Midnight. This waking wasn't in the routine that Rebecca had left, it was obviously far too early as his next feed wasn't scheduled until 2.00pm. A quick nappy change and thankfully Vince went back to sleep until 3'o'clock when he was fed again and again returned to his cot. I'm not sure how much I actually slept as it was the hottest night of the year and the windows needed to be open to let in some air and the residents of Leigh on Sea seemed to be partying through the night. Maisie was woken a couple of times as the occupants of a house somewhere over the back from her bedroom were having a barbecue that went on and on and on. Maisie was easy to settle, reassurance, a dummy and her favoured 'blankie' and she soon went back to sleep. Vince woke at 5.00 and as his schedule stated is the time he comes into the parental bed, this is what he did and we dozed together until 7.00 am when Maisie was nosily awake to begin her day.
The morning was a hive of activity, washing, dressing, breakfast and a walk to the park. At noon when both children were settled for their naps, I took the opportunity and had a little snooze. At 3.00pm with Simon & Rebecca both in charge, we took our leave to drive home separately as I'd gone up a day ahead of Steve to get familiar with Maisie & Vincent.

Elaine & Brian Called in this afternoon with ice cream to refresh us on this very hot afternoon. Steve arrived home early, so we have arranged an impromptu barbecue on the beach. Would you believe the sun has gone in and the sky is now overcast and was that thunder I heard in the distance? More later.............................

Were having a summer, how long will it last? Who knows, but I'm really enjoying it and will do so while its here.

Wow, its been a glorious day today, has our summer arrived at last? I have been out for most of the day with Elaine to Gunwarfe. We mossied around the shops, didn't buy too much, well a pair of Birkenstock sandals and a skirt for me, both in the sale and a real bargain. The best part was being out with a friend, the chatter and the laughter & the companionship. Elaine is a new friend, by which I mean I didn't know her before our move to the coast, though I know we will always remain friends.

I'm a little on edge as the time limit of 30 days is up. 3o days in which, if an apology is not received by a certain woman from my Mother & husband before they will apparently be sued for defamation & harassment. I'm hoping that it is an empty threat as I'm certain that the certain party could not win such a case, but the time, cost and effort it would take to defend ourselves would be such a waste.

I'm now back home & awaiting the grocery delivery, oh the wonder of the Internet, which allowed me so much more time today to do the things I wanted to do. Has Steve's disappearance to the boat yard got anything to do with the fact that the Tesco delivery van has just arrived and the shopping will need putting away.

I'm looking forward to a little bit of time off work, after tomorrow I'm taking a weeks leave. On Friday I'm going up to look after Maisie & Vincent. Steve will come up on Saturday so if we have two unsettled babies we can share in the pacing the floor! Am I nervous, you bet. I have brought up two children, looked after endless others, I give advice everyday as part of my work to parents, but this seems such a big responsibility.

Gosh, I can't believe it's 10 days since I have written here, but it is. Doesn't time fly when your enjoying yourself! Our social life potters on nicely, most weekends we have things going on. Work is horrendously busy, but then its the NHS. Were short staffed throughout the Fareham & Gosport area, so we are being asked to cover other areas and to deliver only the 'core programme' of work. This morning I taught a group of new Mum's how to massage their babies. It seems that this is the last class I can do until the staffing crises eases, its a shame as I think that new Mum's groups are very beneficial.
After Tuesday next week I have a weeks holiday (at least our leave can't be stopped)! I don't have much planned, except at the end of the week we will go to Lee on Sea to look after Maisie & Vincent. I'm anticipating a weekend with two babies will be quite exhausting, so I have a couple of days off afterwards to recuperate.
Steve is sailing at Chichester tomorrow & Sunday, I have nothing planned except a visit to the library, I intend to be very lazy and do very little.

On Saturday we had a barbecue in honor of Steve's 49th birthday. The weather was overcast but the rain stayed away and we were able to sit outside until late. We had a lovely evening with friends. Although we didn't go to bed until nearly 2.00am we were up at 7.3o am as a gale was blowing and we needed to take down the 'Gazebo' (tarpaulin shelter) before it blew away in the wind. Apart from clearing up after the party I did very little yesterday. I lazed on the sofa, read, dozed and watched the Wimbledon final on television. I admit I could only dip into it as watching for 4 hours and 48 minutes was just too much.

Its been nearly a week since I have been online. My laptop which I admit wasn't an expensive one, bought from Tcheibo has died. It did me good service for nearly three years and now I have a new one. Steve ordered it online about midnight last Wednesday and it arrived on Friday and we didn't even pay for express delivery.
Its been a really busy time. The weekend before last it was the sailing club centenary and I was invited along with Elaine and Jane onto Roshann and Richard's boat. It turned out to be a very luxurious yacht, certainly 'my type of sailing', particularly the champagne lunch, so much more pleasurable than the last time I was out on the water.

On Sunday we attended the christening of Ellie, granddaughter of my longest friend Janis. It was a lovely to be part of this lovely celebration and to be with Janis and her family.

Work continues to be manic, each month we have a meeting with our manager to address the staff shortages and every month she makes a work plan and goes away again for another month. Does anything change? Yesterday she came and went the same as usual. One of my colleagues asked me if I'd like to join her on a march in Brighton to protest at our pay award. I said no, I;m not militant and actually more than pay is the real issue. Staff shortages and resources are what affect my colleagues and I most.
Last weekend Linda was here and we had an enjoyable time. She returned back to Bedford on Sunday night, with a bit of glow to her skin. We hadn't realised how warm the sun was on Sunday as we walked along the seafront, there was a heavy wind which made it feel quite cool. Linda and I went to Lymington & Lyndhurst in the New Forest on Saturday and in the evening we stayed at home and watched the film 'The girl with the pearl earring'.

Steve had a really busy weekend as he was responsible for arranging a class event at the sailing club for laser 2000's. Because the wind was 'windy'! not too many competitiors took part, but those who did, really enjoyed it. Steve was happy that it was successful.
It was Steve's birthday yesterday and we celebrated with breakfast at 'The Bluebird' a seafront cafe. Steve sails on a Tuesday, so we wouldn't have had time to celebrate last night. Bacon sandwiches before work was a nice treat, certainly shouldn't become a habit. Next year Steve will be 50, so there will be bigger celebrations.

Friday the 13th and I'm not particularly superstitious, but it didn't start well!

Steve was awake from the early hours with his heart in an irregular heartbeat. We decided to visit the nurse at the surgery to get a trace as the consultant said it would be useful to him in his treatment of Steve's condition. The ECG was done, it showed Steve's heart wasn't in A/F but it was behaving in a very peculiar manner. Back home Steve rested for a few hours, he didn't improve and was feeling very unwell. We have been back and seen a locum GP who was very thorough. Steve's heart rhythm was this time in A/F and he's been sent home to rest. If he gets worse or becomes more unwell I have been advised to get him to hospital! Am I worried? Yesterday I spent the afternoon doing resus training, fingers crossed that I won't have to put it into practise.

Gosh, what a week. Work is absolutely manic, staff off sick, staff on secondment and staff off on annual leave. I worked four days this week and even popped into the office to make some calls this morning while Steve was in with the nurse.

On the A front it has gone a bit quiet. Steve had a nice e mail from Christo, saying that when he and his girlfriend have their new home straight, they only moved in last week, they would like to invite us over for a meal. I have resisted even reading his Mother's blog and thank God I didn't ever tell her of mine!

Ian is due back in Sheffield today after his trip to Japan, I'm sure he had a wonderful experience.

Matthew rang excitedly in the week as he has been promoted and has had a 7k pay rise, not bad, he's been there six months and this is the 2nd raise in that time! I'm very proud of him as he is obviously working hard and has proved himself to his employers:).

The morning after the weekend's sailing and I had to go to work which is an unusual occurrence for a Monday. I was awake early as I had slept very soundly. My whole body ached when I got up and eight hours later it's aching even more. Let my resolve never to go in a single handed dinghy remain strong, I just need to remember the pain. Fortunately I had only to go to work for a half day which I was spending out with a colleague from the mental health team. We had a good morning visiting her clients, it was ok sitting in houses or being driven in Sue's car, but oh I could have cried when I had to walk up three flight of stairs to her office and it was even worse coming down. The last time my muscles ached this much was when I climbed Mount Lomond!

I have reached the conclusion that dinghy sailing isn't for me. I have spent the weekend doing the RYA course. The weather has been beautiful, two warm sunny days spent on the Solent or at times in it. The first day we were sailing in larger dinghy's with two students and an instructor, at the end of the day I managed to capsize the boat and we all ended in the water. Today was the time when we took to the water in singlehanded boats, all on our lonesome. I spent a great amount of time getting wet. Twice I fell out of the boat and endless times I capsized the boat. The most spectacular capsize was when I Collided with another trainee and not only turned turtle my boat, but that of his as well. Fortunatly Chris took his dunking by me in good spirit. The culmination of the course was to beable to sail a triangular course, this I failed miserably. I won't be taking the opportunity to do the assesment again. It took me four goes to pass my driving test, the conseqences of not succeeding would have caused me great inconvienience.
I'm bruised and batterred, my muscles ache, I have been hauled unceremoniously out of the water into the rescue boat. I'm happy with my descision to quit while I'm in one piece, the consequences of not getting the level 2 will have no lasting effect on my life.

This weekend I will be doing my second sailing course, last year I did level 1. Over the course of the weekend I will attempt to get level 2. I'm not certain that I will get the certificate as I shall have to take a small boat out on my own. I have just been sorting out my stuff. Pink wet suit, Pink jacket and Pink buoyancy aid.
This morning I visited a particularly manky house, which didn't bother me too much, that is, until I discovered that I picked up some chewing gum on my skirt and got it all over the car seat! Steve thought I was having a senior moment when he found my skirt, bagged up in the freezer.
Tonight we are having fish & chips from the local, excellent chippy, we don't have them very often, but tonight three friends will join us. I bought some really nice sparkling wine from Lille and I think tonight we shall drink some.
It's been another stressful week, Steve is feeling it too, which is unusual as he doesn't let things get to him. This week he has been insulted and now accused of harassment!

I have just come back from 'Rainbows' to find Steve up in the study and as he said he's busy with his new hobby! He is replying to another e mail, he has now become the target for a certain ladies vitriol. We have taken legal advice and it seems that there is no case against us, but then we knew that. Its just sad that its come to this.

Steve went to Graffham Water in Cambridgeshire for the weekend to take part in a sailing competition. He and and Stu his crew went on Friday morning and returned late on Sunday evening, they had a great time and were triumphant in getting the 'endeavour' trophy, not for actually winning the races, but for their efforts, sportsmanship etc. Well done, especially to Stu who has only just started crewing for Steve.

I had an equally enjoyable weekend. Two nights alone in our super king sized bed, sheer heaven!

On Saturday I had a day out with friends Elaine & Janet. We shopped at Gunwarfe, helped Jan purchase a fabulous outfit for a forthcoming wedding. Sat for hours in the sunshine drinking wine outside 'Cafe Rouge'. We then headed to the cinema where we watched 'Sex & The City'. It was a really fun film which we all enjoyed. We finished the evening eating Italian food before heading home on the Gosport ferry. On Sunday I had a very long lie in, before walking up to see my Mother. On my return home I spent a couple of hours pottering in the garden and a couple of hours reading.

This morning I have spent three hours clearing out cupboards, wardrobes, drawers and the airing cupboard. Its very satisfying now it done, bags and bags for the charity shop, but there was that moment, when surrounded by chaos I thought I should have never started. Clearing out is something I tend to pitch in and do when something is causing me angst. I have received an e mail, threatening action against me if I fail to resolve satisfactorily things between me and A....! I have ignored the email, I just don't know how I can make things right for things which happened before I was born. I am being accused of metering out diabolical treatment and of emotional subterfuge!
There is I know a time when I need to speak to my Mother about this as I'm sure this lady is bound to make contact with her again.

Ian is now in Japan, I had a long chat, but didn't mention the above to him as I don't want in anyway spoil his trip. Ian will be attending a conference where he will be giving a couple of presentations.
I had a lovely Chat with Matt yesterday. He is sounding very happy with life:).

The bank holiday weekend is drawing to an end. Yesterday Steve spent the day teaching sailing, I spent the morning catching up with household chores and in the afternoon I went to see my friend Elaine, we chatted most of the afternoon. Our plan today were to stay at home, the day started with torrential rain which looked like it was set for the day. Steve spent the morning doing important stuff on the computer, I spent the morning being totally chilled, stretched out on the sofa engrossed in a book, well after all it is a holiday. By early afternoon the rain had stopped, the sun had started to shine and the urge to hibernate dissipated, so we drove to Stokes Bay and walked along the coast to Fort Gillkicker and stood at the entrance of Portsmouth harbour, before walking back in the glorious sunshine to have a drink at a little cafe at Stokes Bay. It turned out to be a glorious afternoon which would have been wasted by staying in the house. In Southsea some houses were affected by flooding and also in Southampton.

Rebecca sent a message to say that their 9 month old little puppy 'Ken' had been involved in a collision with a car this morning and sadly was killed, not sure exactly how it happenend but both she and Simon are devastated.

I have just returned from a lovely day out in the Hampshire countryside. Three friends and I went to a 'Waitrose Food Festival'. It was held in the beautiful parkland of Leckford House a property bought by John Spedan Lewis in 1928 and is still owned by Waitrose. It was indeed a festival of food. There were stalls from all over the local area, with produce sold in local Waitrose stores. I bought Steve some Hampshire Stilton from the producer who had made it. We wandered from stall to stall where there was an abundance of food to taste, cheese, wine, cider, ham. flapjacks and bread to name just a few. No wonder we didn't need lunch. We had a lovely walk in the water gardens which were abundant with colour and fragrances. Unfortunately the pollen was very strong and my eyes streamed, I'm not usually a hay fever sufferer, although a few years ago I developed seasonal asthma, but I didn't let it spoil my day out. On the way home we stopped off in the very pretty Market town of Stockbridge for a cream tea.

Another weekend approaches, it's bank holiday, not a longer weekend for me than usual as I am lucky to work part time and thus have a long weekend every week! I usually work on a Friday morning but today I accompanied Steve to see his cardiologist. Steve had his heart scanned, he and the Dr were happy for me to be there and it was pretty amazing to see the images on the screen. Steve has to go back and have an MRI, but the good news is that the chambers of his heart and his valves are all healthy. The consultant reassured us that Atrial Fibrillation isn't life threatening, but its likely that Steve's condition will be treatable in his lifetime. Steve may have to increase his medication, possibly need a pacemaker and in a few years need surgery!!! Steve wouldn't allow me to take him to get medical help when he had a really severe episode a while back, but the Dr has given advise and if another severe episode happens I have been advised to get him checked out. Steve was delighted because Dr Jones kept referring to him as young.

Tomorrow I'm off to Stockbridge which is a market town to the west of the county. Waitrose have a country house and farm there, which I believe was bought by the founder of the company in 1928. This weekend they stage an event which includes, cookery demonstrations, food tasting and a look at their farm. I'm sure I will come back with lots of goodies. I'm going with three friends, but feel a bit trepidatious, just in case I bump into A who is a big fan of 'Waitrose' and lives quite close by!

Work has been really hectic, were even more short staffed and with a colleague on holiday its been hard going. I have been taking antibiotics for an annoying infection and could have easily had a day or two off, but the guilt of leaving colleagues in a worse state meant I went in. I wasn't contagious, but I was feeling decidedly off colour. I had to drink copious amounts of water and needed to be close to the loo.
Were off to a farewell party tomorrow evening as friends of ours are emigrating to Australia. Barbara and I have known each other since our elder children were babies. She has since remarried and is off on this big adventure. I know she has concerns at moving away from her grown up children, but I'm sure they will take the advantage of holidays in Oz and communication is so good now.

Its back to work today after a very busy weekend. Ian was home and an enjoyable time we had. On Saturday evening Christo came over for dinner with his girlfriend Naomi and a great evening we had. We cooked on the raclette and drank a lot of wine! Steve and Ian went out for a sail together on Sunday morning and we watched the film 'Ratatouille' in the evening. Yesterday I got up at 6.00 to take Ian to the station as he had to get to Swindon for a course. Before we see Ian again he will have been to a conference in Kyoto, where he has a presentation to give. Later on in the summer he will speak at a conference in New York. Before coming back to the UK he will travel to and Boston and spend a few days with David my cousin.

I certainly picked the right days to use up my leave. I worked on Tuesday, but was off the rest of the week. I know I'm at risk of sounding boring by talking about the weather, but it has been fantastic, wall to wall sunshine. Living on the coast is wonderful all year, but especially when the weather is as glorious as it has been the last couple of days. I have used my leave quite efficiently. Meetings with friends, shopping with my Mother, Dr's, opticians, and hairdressers appointments all fitted in.
Today I'm off to help at the a rainbow sleepover:) Its the second one I have attended and I can't begin to hope that this one will be as good as the last, when all but one child slept the night through.

Summer arrived in Lille the morning after we did. Our journey was easy, how wonderful the channel tunnel is. Thirty five minutes from departure we drove onto French soil. The journey on the motorway from Calais to Lille was smooth, although getting into the car park proved too challenging, so we parked the car in a shopping centre car park and walked the short distance to our accommodation. We had booked into the 'Citadel' one of a chain. It was an excellent place to stay, clean and modern with a little kitchenette, what a bargain It was as well. Our first evening out was spent at a Creperie, the service was excellent and the Gallettes were delicious. The food we ate all weekend was superb, from the bread, croissants and coffee for petit dejenuer (my apologies to any language teachers reading this) taken at small cafe's to the wonderful Sunday lunch of fresh fish eaten at a little restaurant overlooking the wonderful market. The indoor food market was amazing with a colourful variety of fish, fruit, veg, pastries and cheese. The meat wasn't quite so attractive. Lille was a very attractive city, with lots of pretty squares and wonderful buildings. It felt a very safe place to be, everyone was very friendly, there were a small number of people begging on the street, but not as many as you'd see in London or other European cities.

We ended our weekend with a trip to Carreforre where we bought some French goodies, not too much, some wine, some raclette cheese and a few bottles of wine!

The weekend's drawing closer and I'm really looking forward to the trip to Lille. We leave on Friday lunchtime and I can't wait. After the past couple of weeks, which have been very stressful, I can't wait to get away with Jan, Sandy and Elaine. My nephew rang me yesterday, having been contacted by Ian, he wanted to reassure me that the recent happenings were inevitable and that I shouldn't blame myself. Ian will be home in two weeks and has invited his cousin over for dinner one evening.

No more e mails and I'm beginning to feel a bit less sick about the situation that has arisen. Last night an American supper at the home of Elaine & Brian. The company was excellent and the food amazing. I vacated our bed in the middle of the night for the spare room as Steve's snoring was louder than usual. Today a trip to the garden centre and not much else planned, apart from catching up on last night episode of Dr Who, can't say I like Catherine or is Katherine Tate's acting.
I have been checking the weather forecast for Lille, so far its showing wet all week with a miraculous change to sunshine and 17c on Thursday, perhaps that will be the start of a great few days. I have looked out my passport and 50 Euros over from previous trips. Oh it would make such sense if we gave up the pound along with the rest of Europe.
Well I'd better go and get out of my pj's.

Because of the events of the past week and other messages received today, I have decided that I have to step back from a relationship that has now gone pear shaped. I would very much have liked this to work out, but I don't need the confrontation and the unfair accusations that have been levied at me. I rate myself as a reasonable sort of person. My immediate family are the most important people in my life. I have very good friends who's friendship I value. Steve has now read the messages and he is cross at the way I have been treated. Tonight I'm going out and I'm going to have a glass of wine or two or maybe more!

The last week has been very mixed. A lovely weekend when Dot visited, but downhill from then! On Monday I received the first of a string of e mails from my half sister. The first being accusational, I somehow have turned into the Villain of the piece! What prompted this was that I was unable to accept an invitation for Steve and I to go over to dinner! The explanation that I had given was seen as prevaricating and that Steve didn't want to go. In part true, Steve is reluctant, but the reason I gave of Steve doing more travelling and that weekdays weren't easy to predict where he would be was absolutely true. The e mails have passed between since Tuesday, I have tried to be understanding, to apologise for any hurt that may been caused, but every mail I have received has been more and more confrontational. I haven't replied to the last yet. I talked to Ian about it, he gives wise counsel, I have only briefly mentioned it to Steve without going into detail or showing him the correspondence, he is suffer ring with a bad back, had an A/F episode and has the consultants appointment tomorrow. I don't want to cause him any unnecessary stress!
.

After a couple of weeks of worrying, today I saw a gynaecologist. I came away with good news, the symptoms I have been experiencing have no sinister cause. Whatever the cause, I wasn't given a clear explanation! The Doctor who I saw had absolutely no communication skills and his spoken English was poor. While I am sure that the man was highly qualified in his field, am I totally unreasonable to expect to understand what is said by the medic who is treating me. I had received in the post a six page questionnaire, when I tried to give it to the Dr he didn't want it. Why had I bothered carefully filling in all the most intimate details of my medical history. Should I complain?

On Monday Steve and I celebrated 29 years of marriage. We had an evening out together, we had a drink at 'The Custom House' followed by a meal at 'Cafe Rouge' at Gunwarfe Quays. It was a lovely evening. We have a great life, but it seems rarely that just the two of us go out together. Unfortunately I was sick all night, was it food poisoning or a bug? I was in bed all day yesterday. I spent the time dozing, looking look across the Solent at the Isle of Wight, reading and I even watched a dvd. Its was glorious day, just right for a walk along the beach, but I didn't go anywhere. It was a work day, but I called in sick as I defiantly shouldn't have gone anywhere near anyones precious little babies! Fortunately today is my day off, so I can take it a Little easy today as still feeling a little wobbly at the moment. I had decided against doing any 'bank' hours today as Dot is arriving on Friday for a long weekend and I had planned to get things ready for her visit. Steve & I are both looking forward to seeing her. Oh I did manage to organise an online Tesco shop from my sick bed which will arrive on Friday morning, hopefully before Dot.

Rebecca has asked if we would look after her two babies overnight in July, they will be 20 months and 6 months by then. I'm really chuffed that she feels happy to leave her precious children with us. Being late to parenthood, means that Rebecca's children only have one grandparent. Mari is a doting Granny, but has arrived at Grannyhood in her 70's which means that she isn't able to look after both her grandchildren for that period of time. Rebecca has suggested bringing them here, but it may be better if we go to their home. Plenty of time to sort it out.

It may be April, we may live on the South coast where the climate is mild, but this morning we had snow. I awoke at about 8.00am when it was sleeting, within fifteen minutes the snow was falling in big chunks. It only snowed for about an 1.5 hour, but long and hard enough to leave a good covering. The local children were out building snowmen and the slipway which is used to launch sail boats was being used for skiing. Its been cold for the rest of the day, but the sun has shone and the snow has melted. We had home made soup for lunch, it had been in the freezer since Christmas and it was just the thing to warm us up.
Today I have planned a trip with three girlfriend to Lille in May. We shall stay for three nights and travel by car through the tunnel. I love doing things with Steve, but I feel so liberated when I do things with the girls. (well not quite girls). These three particular girls are friends that I have made since our move here four years ago, their husbands sail with Steve and we have fun in other ways. What blessings!
Tomorrow I'm going to Romsey to have lunch with my sister Annie.

I don't seem to get to writing this blog very often, although I am fortunate to have plenty of time which working part time allows for, somehow there is never enough time for everything. I write mostly for me, Janis is the only person who knowingly reads my entries and I can't believe my little jottings would interest anyone else.

Yesterday I took my Mother to the opticians, where we spent two whole hours, firstly her sight test and then the choice of 4 pairs of glasses. I recently have taken to wearing varifocals. My changing eyesight meant I needed specs for driving, computer work and reading. After ordering my glasses various people warned me of how they had tried and failed in the use of them. I have to say how liberating they are as they allow me to see and I don't have to keep changing specs. I don't suppose I will ever do it as I'm very squeamish, but I'm actually not against Lazar surgery that people have to correct their vision. As I get older I realize that my eyesight is so valuable.

After the opticians we took a trip on the Gosport ferry and went to Gunwarfe. After a few hours of following my Mother in and out of shops I was exhausted. Did she get the dress she was after? No! Did she say she wants a trip to Southampton? Yes, eeeek perhaps she can persuade her friend Beryl to accompany her.
Last week we made the decision to help Matt out financially, to give Matt his credit he didn't ask for help and he has taken on a second job. Matt will pay us back and hopefully we will have avoided a CCJ against him.
Steve has made the choice to take on a different role at work. He is going back to a technical role which he loves in preference to the one he is doing which is leading him deeper into management. So as well as the commitment to Matt we have had to go down the path of a second car. We have managed well with one for a year, but as Steve will have to do a lot more travelling its back to being a two car household:(
Steve has had a relatively minor heart condition for 20 years. About twice a year Steve would have a couple of episodes where his heart would go into A/F and beat erratically for a few hours. More recently its been happening twice a month, which I'm sure the stress of work has attributed to. Anyway on Easter Saturday he had a particularly worrying episode and after much nagging he has seen the GP and is awaiting an appointment with a cardiologist!
We have put any long trips on temporary hold! Three friends and I are planning a long weekend in Lille in May. We haven't yet booked, but are planning going by Eurostar.

British Summer time arrived this morning, hurray! I love all seasons, but after the battering by winds and rain that we have taken over the last few weeks I won't be sorry for the seasons to change and hope that Spring turns early this year into Summer. Steve will be pleased as today he has once again had to put back fence panels. Today has been glorious, windy but sunny, perfect for the walk along the prom that Steve and I took before dinner. It's now well after 7.00pm and its still daylight.
Tomorrow I'm seeing Sue, I met her at college in 1974 and we have remained good friends. Sue is mourning the death of her father who died nearly a month ago. His funeral isn't for another 3 days, because of bank holidays and a backlog at the crematorium it has taken all this time which is absolutely abominable. Its nearly eight years since my own father death but I feel Sue's pain. In their families sadness is joy as her eldest has just announced that she is to have Sue's first grandchild in November.
I saw my niece on Thursday, she had been visiting for a week over Easter. She spent time with her friends and stayed also with her grandmother. This 16 year old also met up with her father, but we are all sworn to secrecy, so that 'you know who' doesn't find out!!

My Easter memories are usually of warm spring days. Good Friday this year has been a day of all weathers. Four seasons in one day. Snow, hail, wind and at times warm sunshine. I drove back from Gosport in a snow shower this morning, the temperature gauge dropped from 6c to -0.5 in seconds. The sun came out for a while this afternoon, the wind was wild, I pegged the washing firmly on the line and fortunately it stayed in place. the smell of fresh washing that has been dried outsize is one of my favorite aroma's.
As with millions of other people Steve has spent this bank holiday decorating, painting doors and revamping the awful fire place in our sitting room which we inherited when we moved in almost 4 years ago. I'll post a before and after picture once it is finished.
My niece is arriving from Leeds for a few days, she will stay with my Mother. Today is her brother's 19th birthday and it would have been my Grandmother's 112th birthday. My sister has a new job as a receptionist in a hotel in Leeds, a change from hair dressing, I'm sure she will do well at it. Good Luck.
Matt has job interview tonight for a bar job, he is hoping to do two nights a week. Matt is enjoying his day job and last week was given a substantial pay rise, so I guess he is doing really well.
Ian is working on his research this weekend, he is off to Montpelier for a conference next weekend as well as going to Lisbon for a friends party. Katie his girlfriend is going with him, so I hope they have a nice time.
Work has been manic, were short staffed, we are working like crazy, its feeling uncomfortable as were not able to give everyone the time they deserve! I'm not yet sure if my extra hours will become permanent. I don't mind either way, but have asked to do them over three days, not four.

Its Sunday evening and nearly the end of my weeks leave. Its back to work on Tuesday. I have enjoyed my week off: a visit to Bedford where I saw friends and also Matt. Steve has spent a couple of days decorating our sitting room, its looking good, amazing what a coat of paint can do. Last night we went to our friend Stewart's 60th birthday. We had a great evening and a group came back here to have coffee or a drink. We didn't get to bed until 2.00am. When I got up I was relieved to find that the glass of Champagne that I accidentally threw up the newly painted wall hadn't marked it in any way. It would have been a different story had it been a glass of red wine.

I have been off line for nearly three weeks as my lap top has been away for repair. I'm glad to say it has now been returned, complete with new screen. The repair itself was done in a couple of days, the collection and delivery of the the PC proved difficult. I didn't realize how much I would miss my little machine.
The weekend before last we had a family get together to celebrate Dot's 80th birthday. Dot is Steve's aunt and great aunt to our children. Dot really is a great aunt and has been wonderful to all the family. Steve's Mother died when Ian was a baby and sadly she didn't get the opportunity to be a grandmother to her eight grandchildren. The children have been fortunate to have Dot as she has always been a special person in their lives. We gathered at Rebecca's house for the celebrations. Tacy and I shared in the preparation of Sunday lunch in Dot's honour and fifteen of us sat down to lunch. it was a testimony to Dot that everyone came. Dot is looking forward to her birthday present, a trip in a hot air balloon with a friend, quite an experience for an 80 year old, but actually Dot's birthday was actually only her 20th, because she was born on the 29th February!
I'm on annual leave this week and went to Bedford on Sunday to stay with Linda. Its a year since we went to Venice to celebrate Linda's 50th birthday, so on Monday night the thirteen of us who went on the trip and had a reunion and went out for an Italian meal. We had a great evening.
I saw Matt while I was there, he seems happy and is enjoying his job.
Steve is on leave for a couple of days and has said he is going to do some jobs around the house. We have just got back from the local DIY store, where we bought paint for the ceiling in our sitting room. Firstly Steve has to fill in the small hole in the artex where the bath leaked before he paints the ceiling. I know that this relatively small job will grow into something bigger, it always does. I have taken refuge in the bedroom and am making up for the time that I have missed on the computer recently.